My Consecration Journey
I grew up with a rosary in my hands. I did not always know what to do with it, but I was always drawn to the pretty “necklace” and understood that there was a deeper meaning surrounding it. I remember the first time I tried to pray a rosary. After a very heated family argument, I was fed up and ran to my room in our little thousand-something-square-foot home. I grabbed my rosary and frantically started repeating Hail Mary’s on each bead. I had zero clue how to formally pray a rosary or that there were mysteries, Scripture, and fruits associated with each piece of the Good News I was supposed to be meditating on, but I think Jesus asked His Momma to give them to me anyway. I did not know it then, but this was the first true moment that God began planting seeds for my deep, abiding love for Him and for His Mother, for my Mother (see John 19: 26-27). This was the first moment my heart began to prepare for Consecration to Jesus through Mary.
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Later in my life, I was in a unique spot. I had served as a youth minister for five years. I had been married for almost four of those years and had our first baby that was almost three. We were dealing with a particularly tumultuous, albeit fruitful, season in life while we faced a time of infertility (click here to read more on that). My heart was joyful, but it was also weary. My priorities were good in the eyes of the world, but my life spent running around with a full to-do list was beginning to take a heavy toll on not only my mental and spiritual well-being, but also my body. I was exhausted, plain and simple. God had seen me, his little bit of clay, He had heard me ask for help and guidance, and I believe, in retrospect, that He had begun to break me down, make my heart more pliable, because He had work for me to do.
Even though I was open to Mary as a part of my faith, I did not view loving her as critical. I never completely understood that aspect of my Catholic faith. I prayed rosaries and could see that it was good, but that was where the buck stopped. It was not until after I went to visit a little group of cloistered nuns that live in the mountains near my home town did I start to question my mindset (check out their website here). These nuns had taken a vow of silence, but I went up with a group of youth ministers to visit and the Mother Superior gave two of the nuns permission to speak to our group and give us a tour of their grounds. These sweet women walked us through each space, showing us the grotto, gardens, and the guest house. We were about done and everyone was leaving to go to the gift shop and load up to go home. We were standing in the tiny entry way and I have no idea how the conversation started, but we turned to Consecration. This nun lit up and started pouring out enthusiasm and great love and I simply could not resist: I had to learn more. I mean, this little lady might only say these sweet words to me and none others this month. What?! Seriously. I cannot even imagine going an hour without speaking, let alone a week, month, or the rest of my life to be dedicated to almost complete silence. Double what, you guys. The gravity of this conversation did not set in at the time. But, it changed me. Every inch of me has been transformed and I turn to it as one of the single most pivotal moments of my entire life. I snatched up the book Sister recommended, 33 Days to Morning Glory, and my Consecration journey began.
I was able to come back to this sweet little farm, Church, and home for all the beautiful Nuns to say my Prayer of Consecration. Again, even after spending 33 days preparing, reading, and praying, I still had close to zero clue about how these words would continue to change and morph my heart for years to come (see a trend forming?). Five years later, all I know is that my heart is not done. I will look back in another five years, and if I am faithful in my prayers and my heart continues to ponder Jesus’ love and mercy like His Mother did so well, I know with every fiber of my being, that I will be able to see more times when my world was changed. Times when my heart was moved or transformed to be more like Christ. The gift of Consecration is just beginning, five years later. I cannot wait to see how God will continue to use this gift to shape me into “another Christ” (Gaitley, page 26).
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